I never thought I’d be wearing one of these bands again for a while and yet this is from todays visit to Queens hospital in Burton.
My apologies to all those who have felt that I was a “bit off”, short with them, and not achieving what they thought I should. The truth is that for the past month I haven’t been on top form, and largely because I visited my GP about occasions when I seemed to have a reflux problem He immediately started speaking about the possibility of cancer and wanted to investigate. This has involved my attendance today for a gastroscopy procedure. a most hideous experience, performed by a wonderful team of caring professionals for whom I’ll always have the highest praise.
Consequently its hung over me for a while filling my mind with all sorts of possibilities; I even worked my funeral music out (entrance to Tina Turner, “Steamy windows” and exit to Lindisfarnes “Run for Home”) and Alison was told which funeral firm and who was to lead the service (you can relax again Loraine Mellor).
I many ways the reaction was grossly over the top, as I was given a complete ALL CLEAR; no abnormalities, no tumour, no scarring, nothing. Thankfully and my gratitude to the few who knew about it and prayed for me.
I’d deliberately kept it quiet as I didn’t want sympathy and wanted to continue to be there to try to help people. However, because I’ve always tried to be open and honest about both my good times and my bad times, I felt I need to share this tonight.
Tonight I will go to bed and sleep easier.
Tonight I will go to bed with a greater understanding of the fears of others
Tonight I will go to bed grateful for a God who has held me.
Tonight I will go to bed appreciating once again the NHS, who have supported me magnificently today.
Tonight I will go to bed with a sense of those who have yet to undergo frightening treatments, such as gastroscopy procedures.
And believe me, if anyone produces what looks like a bazooka and tries to tell me its a “small camera” I may be tempted to do the wrong thing……….!
I’ve been thinking this evening about Holy Week, which has also rather been lost because of my thoughts elsewhere, and I’ve dwelt on the loneliness of Jesus, the anxiety of knowing what was to come and the result.
Firstly, the appointment came at a time when Alison had a service in her own church. We discussed it and I felt strongly that she should continue with it as the work of Jesus continues anyway. However that meant that I had to walk to the hospital and, sit in the waiting area on my own and go through it by myself. Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane was alone. Was he scared ? the Bible seems to suggest he was. Was he tempted to back out ? Again Scripture says he prayed “let this cup pass from me”. I too felt alone, and if I could’ve got out of it I may well have done, knowing what I was facing.
However I stayed with it because I knew it would give a definite result, and my family deserve nothing less. For me the result was amazing and I praise God for the skill, knowledge and care of the medical profession.
For Jesus the result was resurrection; job done; mission accomplished; victory achieved. We will praise and celebrate on Easter Sunday as if we’ve never praised before because we worship a God who understands our loneliness, our fear and anxiety and throughout it all holds us very dear to himself.
I feel as though I’ve been through my personal Good Friday today, but nothing compared to what God went through for me and for this world. Praise to Him for being prepared to endure the cross for us.