Increasingly I’m becoming more and more frustrated at my deafness (see blog entry for Nov 5th) but what is worse for me isn’t about not hearing the TV, radio or music; it actually isn’t even about not hearing people when they speak to me.
It actually two things at play here. Firstly, because the NHS doesn’t seem to have the capacity to cope since covid in Audiology departments, my hearing hasn’t been assessed for three and a half years now. As a consequence I have little clarity in my hearing despite two aids and in most conversations I have to ask people to repeat themselves but it makes me feel thick and stupid even though the other person may not intend that result.
Secondly some people can’t actually help themselves and register a mixture of surprise, that someone didn’t hear the question/statement etc. Again when I see eyebrows raised, exasperation on faces, see a big sigh, and then the statement etc repeated with a degree of impatience then I again I feel stupid and thick.
Ive known this all my life, especially at school (thinking of one teacher in particular). Snide comments made by fellow pupils, schoolwork incorrect because I didn’t hear the question all affected my confidence, and my blindness in my right eye didn’t help in lipreading.
This continued into working life but although two ear operations helped me enormously and have carried me through most of my adult life I’m now back at that childhood status of near deafness and its worse now. I may not have clarity any more but without the aids I only have silence (and trust me silence doesn’t always feel golden).
Chester is magnificent and the Hearing Dog community believe that HD (hearing dogs) help with confidence; to a large extent I think they do but in a strange perverse way they also turn the deaf person on themselves as its much easier to have a chat with him than risk not knowing what others have said. Also there are some even in the Church who resent my deafness. Several years ago a lady in a Church informed me that I shouldn’t be a Minister if I was deaf; when I pointed out that she too had hearing difficulties so should understand, apparently it was different as she didn’t want to pay me when I wasn’t catching all she said.
Reflecting on this tonight after a day in which I sensed/saw someones frustration at yet again having to repeat things has made me question why society and the church thinks less of deaf people; if we were to come across a blind person we wouldn’t have the same frustration but an increased desire to help. Someone with a serious medical condition wouldn’t be ignored in their views which I often feel I am because in a discussion it takes me longer to assess what I’m hearing and by the time I do the conversation has moved on.
I find deafness also increases tiredness and that leads to loss of concentration.
Please don’t read this as a rant to say “poor Mike”. that is NOT my intention; my intention is to simply encourage all of us, myself included, to be more understanding, tolerant and accepting
Ive taken to rereading this small booklet that the Methodist Church produced man-years ago. It opens with these words………
Hearing loss is not fatal……but its not much fun either…..and its mighty frustrating
Alison and I had a few days away last week on a pre-retirement course; to give a bit of context I won’t retire until 31st August 2025 but these few days were a gift from the Methodist Church to begin to tune our minds into what will be here before we know it.
in Methodism you don’t stop being a Minister (Presbyter or Deacon) just because of an age requirement. No, you remain a Minister alongside many of society’s expectations and often your own ! So our thinking has to adapt to a new role in life which is why Methodism doesn’t speak of retirement, but instead speaks of “sitting down”. In other words continuing to work (as Supernumeraries) but from a far more relaxed position.
first of all the course was set in the delightful house and grounds of Wynyard Hall, near Scarborough, and it covered various areas such as finance (living on a reduced income), choosing an area to retire to, what activities/hobbies might we like to get involved with, looking at our current skills and which may be useful in the future.
a lot to think about and pray towards; so what does the future hold for the Redshaw’s ? Reduced income at a time when we’ll suddenly have to pay bills we’ve never had to look at for the last 30+ years such as council tax & water rates, means we’ll have to reduce to one car and tighten our belts somewhat. On the positive front it’ll mean more family time especially with the FoxCubs. As they grew up Rebecca and Vicky had to give up so much to follow Alison and I to different churches. It’ll be nice to try and help them out.
It’ll mean more time on our hands but sadly less finance to visit other friends and places. We loved Orkney but probably won’t get the chance to go back; our hopes to go to Romania in 2024 to see our friends means it may well be our last trip there.
My enjoyment of Rotary will probably have to cease because of cost as will my football season ticket and so we’ll need to find new interests because one of the things that came through strongly was that we mustn’t stop being active both for the good of our bodies and for our mental health. I’m already exploring ways to support the charity “Hearing Dogs for Deaf People” & maybe my speaking skills (!) might be utilised there.
We certainly have a lot to think about.
The certainty is that if the Methodist Ministers Housing Society will allow us we’ll be moving to Nottingham, as that’s where the family live. I always wanted to retire to Orkney or Cornwall but the practical reality is we want to be with family.
one of the exercises we had to engage in was to come up with a chart/spidergraph showing our current life. I attach the photograph below and apologise if you, dear reader, are not on it. We had limited time to produce it and talk about it. Obviously Alison’s will be different but notice how I’ve encircled everything by recognising my hearing deterioration has an effect on every part of my life. Something else to cope with, but thanks to the brilliant NHS I’ll have support in all areas.
Thanks to this course we have time to reflect and prepare for an exciting new phase of Ministry. God ain’t finished with the Ministry of Alison and I and we just have to find where he’s taking us to next. 😀
Thanks very much everyone for your thoughts and prayers, today and over recent months.
Background first. As my colleagues and family know my hearing has degenerated this year but because of the covid backlog I am now 6 months overdue on a hearing test. Volume doesn’t appear to be the main issue (although my blindness in my right eye makes it difficult to lip read at times). Clarity is where I lose out. If I can’t look directly at a person, and of course in a meeting of up to 40+ people that’s nearly impossible. Also in a busy environment it’s hard.
The upshot of all this alongside my determination not to let my colleagues and my Churches down, is that I’ve become more and more withdrawn in some situations (esp hard when I can’t communicate properly with my grandchildren); this has led me to become grumpy (more than usual), impatient and at times not the nicest person to be with.
I’m really sorry about all this and I really don’t like it.
I managed to get the hospital appointment this afternoon. They confirmed no infection in either ear which is good, confirmed that I’m on the list for a hearing test, and began the process of creating new ear moulds should that test confirm new hearing aids.
They also adjusted the levels of my current aids and put in some new features, such as a new loop button and background noise eliminator.
So now we await to see what happens next.
Thankyou for being patient with me, continue to bear with me in the future and accept my apologies for not being the Minister I used to be and want to be again.
It’s now over a year since I last blogged, when once it was several times a week, and for my own mental well-being it’s time I restarted.
So here we go………… 2022 was a difficult year for most of the country as we tried to re-emerge/live with covid. Ministry amongst folk who also reflected the views and fears of he rest of the country, making decisions that you knew would be derided no matter what it was, should we zoom or not, is it time to scrap the two metre rule, how do we keep our churches infection free. As Superintendent, with the Circuit Leadership Team we navigated our way throughout the covid period probably getting some things wrong but in an honest attempt to keep the ship afloat and also recognising the the pandemic would hasten closure amongst many Churches and Circuits who were just surviving beyond their means.
It all crept up on me, Dads passing just before the crisis, stepping down as Deputy Chair of District and all the subsequent flak alongside how quickly the last of my hearing deteriorated. I can look back now and see how it all unfolded, so I think I was ready for the next stage of my Ministry.
In the previous blog entry you will see that the Circuit were about to offer me the opportunity of a redundant building in which to create an art based new style Church, (now called ‘the Well’). Consequently this was approved……………….
I stepped back from Superintendency on August 31 2022, and took on the project (& an already established circuit project called Oasis. After 18 years in Superintendency this has been a major shift in my Ministry.
Rowland Memorial Methodist Church became
‘The Well’
Since getting underway and still very much a ‘project’ it has been interesting days over the last few months. The core team which I prayed through before sharing the vision and asking if they wanted to be a part of it have slowly been diminished for very good legitimate reasons such as hospitalisation of one, ongoing illness of another, family concerns of two others. Others have their own Church considerations, and family reasons. Consequently it has fallen to me to find quotes for various things, but then unexpectedly in September I had to take on a new Church, which I already love for the graciousness and generosity towards me, but it has increased the workload beyond that which we’d planned for or expected.
Being realistic I have now accepted that I’m not going to see its completion but simply play my part in getting it off the ground, and as I’m convinced it’ll be church for the future I’m content with that.
So far we’ve managed to attract a theatre group (Silhouette theatre) from London, who I’ve worked with many times over the years.
Silhouette Theatre Company in actionJanuary Messy Church
We’ve had the local pre-school to visit for end of year and Christmas Carols; Sadly the visit of a local junior school was cancelled due to Covid, but the gardening club have been able to meet each month and good relations are being established.
Currently the Church and adjacent hall are used regularly for the gathering of the Fijian UK Fellowship under the leadership of my great colleague, Revd Manoa Ratabavalu
Manoa
People are often surprised that there is no Sunday worship (it may or may not happen, we wait to see where God leads); there is a monthly quiet reflection time and weekly prayers open to all.
Our next step is to find volunteers to create a weekly coffee slot aimed at parents dropping their children off at the pre-school next door
So what are we creating ? put simply a space in which creative arts can happen to the glory of God, for the community and beyond an opportunity to meet and mingle and in the fullness of time become disciples of Jesus.
Please pray for us, that The Well (& Oasis) become the places of refreshment that God wants them to be. The third aspect of this multidimensional and multi-sited project is “The Stream” our digital Church but more about Oasis (next time) and The Stream later
As many of you know I’m currently on sabbatical for two months (+ a third month in November). This is a gift given to Methodist Ministers every 7 years and is an opportunity to slow down, stop, reflect and potentially learn something new. This is my fourth sabbatical in my Ministry and is so far proving the hardest to settle into, for a variety of legitimate reasons.
Apart from reading my main two aims were firstly getting to know and learning to work with Chester my hearing dog. Secondly looking at the relationship between theatre (arts) and the Church.
Chester arrived in the Redshaw household at 3.00 pm on January 17th (my birthday !) and since then has been a huge part of the family but of my life in particular. A friend, companion, help he attracts so much attention its unbelievable. I walk down the street now to comments such as “what a handsome boy”, “he’s beautiful” and then I realise its not actually me they’re talking about !!!!
He was a lockdown puppy and so his training was never fully formed, but Karen his volunteer puppy trainer has done a marvellous job with him, teaching him how to let me know that I need to answer the doorbell, waking me up on the morning, and most importantly should the smoke alarm go off.
He attends Church with me every week, Rotary club meetings and even District events.
Trouble is that in the past week he seems to have gone on strike and isn’t doing what he’s supposed to do; my partnership advisor met with me over the internet on Monday to offer help and advice. She reassures me that this is not unusual, as dogs become settled and consequently lazy.
In the meantime he’s such a blessing and each day I give thanks to the glorious organisation called ‘Hearing Dogs for Deaf People’ who celebrate 40 years of age this year. If you haven’t already then Google them and learn what a marvellous organisation they are.
The second part of my sabattical is exploring FX and art Churches particularly with a view to trying to set one up here in the Circuit. Consequently I’ve visited Spring Harvest and am currently reading through the theological basis of renewal and rebuilding, centred around the book of Nehemiah.
I then visited Waterside Methodist Church in Southampton (the Church that Manoa Ratabavalu came from. The Chapel was declining in number until about 8 years ago when they began to develop in the direction of an arts cafe. Now, as you can see from the photos below it is a popular hub in the village for conversations, Bible studies, art classes and so much more.
Inspired by Pete but with the Church wholeheartedly behind it and some amazing volunteers this Church reaches out to the folk of their community in a fairly unique way. The first picture is the scene as you enter, warm, welcoming and well decorated, in a way I’d expect any high street coffee shop to look. all the art adorning the walls varies according to themes and seasons, the latest bing their theme for Holy Week. Im hoping To recieve some photos from that week.
The following day travelled onto St. Margarets CoE church in Southsea, where they have converted a traditional building into a church with a community feel to it. Again, here are some pictures……..
A traditional building where they’ve rethought the use of the space they have; the centre being a coffee area, but also contains moveable trolleys which hold charitable items for sale, much in the way of a charity shop. This serves the local community, but they also donate some of their items to other local charities. There is also a food bank, which they are hoping to develop into a food kitchen next year. In many ways the most outstanding part of the Church is the soft play area which is open several days each week for local toddlers, but there is also a community library.
They have a weekly Church service as like the Waterside project they really do want the community to see that Jesus is at the centre of it all.
Both projects major on the concept of cafe style Church and worship in a relaxed way, so consequently the cafe aspect is extremely important and central to that is good food, well trained volunteers and a good quality coffee machine. (St. Margarets acquired a refurbished one for £1000) Many of us in our Churches rely on a kettle and instant coffee but these projects installed professional style coffee machines (like Costa, Starbucks etc). I asked about the cost Involved in setting it all up, and neither could give me an answer but spoke in the region of £20,000 + to do things professionally, and that is the ‘rub’ when I consider the vision I have for an Art based Church at Rowland Memorial.
At a time when cost of living is going up, when its getting harder and harder to maintain our current and much loved buildings, when fewer and fewer people seem interested and those that are interested are weary and tired of maintaining buildings under increasingly difficult but necessary legislation. YET, I believe with a passion that there is still a mission for the Church and that’s to find new ways of meeting the needs of modern society and new ways of becoming relevant again for Jesus remains central to life itself. My vision is to use those things that engage people so that Jesus becomes the topic not the tea towel rota. Last year I reflected on how Church attendance has declined but interest in the Supernatural has increased, but the Church seems incredibly welded to a particular way of doing things. “You can’t remove the pews, its not Church without pews !” I don’t recall reading about folk sitting on pews when Jesus preached the sermon on the Mount. “you can’t have food in the Sanctuary!” but Jesus coked breakfast for his followers after the resurrection. “You can’t hold dances in Church” but David danced before the Lord (2 Samuel 6:14) and it would seem to have pleased God. Its rarely about the actual event but more about the focus of the event; as such dancing, lifting hands, playing guitars, pipe organs and so many of those things that are frowned upon in traditional worship (which can all be encapsulated in the umbrella term “the Arts” can all be ways of approaching God.
However, there remains a cost to be paid, to convert Rowland (or elsewhere) and this is what I’m wrestling with: how professional do we want to be ? Those who know me well would fully expect me to say “lets spend the money” and take the risk but I appreciate that not everyone is comfortable with that level of risk taking, so I’m in a dilemma about how much to push and how much to let go of.
Please pray that Gods way will be found.
In the meantime movement has begun to see the return of the gardening club back on the premises, the possibility of a labyrinth, a colleague who wants to start a drumming group, the central base for our Fijiian brothers and sisters from where their Minister Revd Manoa, can operate, a use for the Circuit Office, visits from local schools, my friends in Silhouette theatre group, an arts workshop and I’m sure God has got to much more in mind, but interwoven into all this will be Bible teaching, worship and fellowship.
I’m currently coming to the end of my recuperation period after my operation a couple of weeks ago; the scars have outwardly healed, but the tiredness seems never ending.
As I prepare to return to light duties, I’ve spent a couple of days on District retreat in the wonderful setting of Cliff College, with all of the District Superintendents (a great bunch who have shared with me throughout 18 years of Superintendency. I’ll miss them when I step back next year.
As part of the retreat we’ve been led to reflect on some of the conversations the disciples had with Jesus and how their discipleship was shaped, we’ve looked at taking care of ourselves, community, Sabbath and hospitality, and discernment and forgiveness. As I wrestle with tiredness, I’ve found this challenging but extremely pertinent for where I’m at in Ministry. the overwhelming refrain that I keep coming back to is that of community. a few days ago a good friend of mine was struggling with Acts 2:42-47. Her struggle she admitted was that to her it felt more like organised, institutional Church whereas to me it speaks of community.
Several folk from my home Church completed the famous Camino de Santiago walk a few years ago. As you can see I also walked it this year BUT whereas they did it physically mine was the same distance walking around Burton and Swadlincote (in other words virtually). I’m aware that I’ve missed out on the companionship, that Andy, Graeme and other speak of; the banter whilst walking, the deeper conversations over shared experiences etc. Whilst I’ve missed out on that because my walking was solitary, it has helped to make me more aware that which I knew.
It has helped reinforce within me the need to be a part of a community, for that is so often where we grow and develop, are free to make mistakes, be forgiven and free to forgive others; that is where we’re free to laugh, cry, shout, be quiet without judgement.
As I return gradually (& as my body and strength allow) community remains in my thoughts. I think of Deacon Janice creating community at Oasis in Swadlincote and how I’ll have to find a way to continue it when she leaves; I think of the community I’ll aim to build at Rowland Memorial Arts Church (currently without members) and I think of Winshill Chapel in our Circuit facing frightening and expensive decisions re staying open ( with a potential bill of about £120,000 involved) or close; their decision involves how to keep community going or whether or not to join a different community. I think of my friends, Alex and Heather and the community they are trying to build in an impoverished village in Romania (I mis them so much).
When Jesus gathered his disciples around him at Caesarea Philippi and asked “who do people say that I am ?” he also praised Peter for calling him the Messiah, “You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my Church, a Church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out”. (The Message Bible)
The trouble is that over the years many have thought of the Church as a physical building, but I really don’t think that Jesus was referring to such; no I believe that when he said this he was basically saying “upon this rock I will build a community” which later he would show to be a community of love, care, support, and not just for its members but for the world where this community would tackle injustice, poverty, oppression.
A community where all could find what they need to fulfil the calling of Jesus “to have life in all its fullness”.
Trouble is its a community full of people with all our faults and failings, depression, apathy, mis-direction but also a community of people with hopes, dreams, glimpses of Heaven in their words and actions. That to me is community.
Many declare that they won’t go to Church because of this or that, but are not prepared to join a community trying its best (and often failing, as we all do) to carry out the work of the Lord. Yes there are plenty of Churches that I wouldn’t want to join because I dont see community, but there are plenty of others where I do, and also plenty of groupings in society where Christians are bringing to that community the love of God.
A couple of pictures from years gone by of the annual Burton ymca sleepout, which I’ve taken part in for the last 8 years. I’ve slept on the concourse at the Pirelli Stadium in a cardboard box, in a tent, and even in a local graveyard ! Many of the readers of this blog have generously supported me in prayer and by giving donations to the fantastic work of the ymca.
I have really appreciated this event and it has been one ofthe highlights of my Ministry in Burton. this year I’ve been unable to take part due to my operation last Monday to have my gall bladder removed, so tonight Alison has taken me down to the Pirelli so that I could wish them well, without getting in the road. I gave my donation to Dawn Charles and her son, Isaac, will be sleeping out. Dawn, the Joint Pastor of the Community Church in Burton, is a very special lady and friend and I’m grateful that she (& also Rotarian friends Peter and Helen Barnett, are sharing in this work.
I will spend tonight in a comfortable, warm bed, knowing that my friends will be in the night air cold; I’ll spend tonight giving thanks for the work of the YMCA in Burton, remembering my time at the Whitechapel Mission in London amongst the homeless, and praying for an end to this evil.
Jesus said ”You will always have poor with you” (Matthew 26:11 or Mark 14:7 or John 12:8) but he didnt ask us to accept the situation but because of the compassion he showed himself, he asks us to do all we can for others, especially the poor and the needy.
I hope that you will do all you can to help those around us in their day to day lives
Whats your ambition for today ? For some it will be to earn as much as possible, for others to be as happy (by whatever means) as possible. Some will say its another day, another chance to convert someone. For some it will simply be to get through yet another day, or to find enough food to eat; for our street folk it may be to find a safe shelter for the night. Its different for all of us, but……………. there is a lesson to be learnt.
Jesus said “Love your neighbour………..” (Luke 10:27) but how do we love those who bully us, those who belittle us, those with whom we struggle. Its hard but there needs to be a degree of intentionality about it.
I’m simply reflecting on my granddaughter who upon starting a new school year in a new class declared on her first day “I’m going to make a new friend today” and by the end of the day she had ! (whether the other girl wanted it or not). I watch her in a playground and I also watch her little brother. They welcome others into their group, not noticing those things of adults which distinguish people. They don’t see race, colour, sexuality, gender, religion. All that they see is someone to be friends with, and I’m proud of them for that.
Sadly, in the Church as well as in society we label people and put them into boxes, only liking certain folk and sometimes being prejudiced against others who are ‘different’ to us.
So I warm to my Granddaughters determination, “Today I’m going to make a new friend” and I ask myself how much richer would life be if we all had a similar outlook. I pray that as she and her brother get older that it will continue to be their outlook.
CHALLENGE. Are you going to aim to make a new friend today, forgive someone, attempt to understand them and above all else love them as Jesus does ?
I write this on the morning of 1 September 2021, waking up to a brand new Methodist year and realising it is my 30th year as a Methodist Presbyter. Indeed it is the start of my 18th year as a Superintendent.
As I look back I can’t help but wonder where the years have gone. I remember in my first appointment a new Presbyter joined the staff and when asked to tell us about himself the man who was to become a good friend (Nigel Fox) said he’d been in the Ministry for 11 years. That long……. I thought. I’ll never last that long but here I am preparing for retirement in a few years time.
it’s been, in the main, 30 good years beginning 8n Oldham before moving to the East Midlands, to the Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire border and the Erewash Valley Circuit where I worked as Evangelism enabler for a while. After that I moved to Ripley as Superintendent and then back to the border with the newly created Borders Mission Circuit, centering on Alfreton and Sutton-in-Ashfield. I then moved to the newly formed Trent and Dove circuit and have recently been involved in merging them into yet another new circuit with South Derbyshire to create the East Staffordshire and South Derbyshire circuit.
During this time I’ve led Share Jesus missions around the country, evangelism training, worked with terrific friends in Romania, Mission Shaped Ministry training, cafe Churches, taken folk to Spring Harvest and also to what was then Easter People. There’s so much more AND I’m worn out !! My latte is half drunk in effect.
Latte, half-full
or
half-empty ?
But……………
I’m not done yet.
The generosity and vision of this Circuit leadership team is amazing. I’ve long held a belief in the Fresh Expressions movement, and a strong belief in how the proclam ation of the Gospel needs not only to be relevant to today but shared in a way that draws people in so that they may develop a relationship with Jesus.
Consequently, when a Church building became redundant they allowed me to begin exploring the possibility of a long held vision I have had to reach out to the local community using the broad umbrella of the arts. This may include theatre, art exhibitions, lectures, all centred on the vision of introducing people to Christian spirituality and ultimately Jesus. The concept of the arts church was accepted at the June Circuit meeting and I currently await permission from the next meeting in September to be given my final years in Ministry to ‘give it a go’. Technically, if I get that permission the work will begin next September but as time is of the essence I’ve started work already with planning and pulling a team together.
It is for this reason that I’ve entitled this entry as 30 + years as Ministry is far from over and indeed I feel as though my coffee cup has been refilled. I’m excited (& daunted) by the future; it may or may not work out, who knows, but as I did right at the beginning of my Ministry I’m trusting in God to lead me, to create the right team around me and to open the doors He wants to open. Already opportunities have appeared, and from unexpected sources so I can only conclude that God has started to open doors. Please pray they don’t shut.
If anyone wants a copy of my vision document please let me know and I’ll be happy to send it, but most importantly please pray that these years of active Ministry, before I ‘sit down’, are fruitful for the Kingdom
These were the words I used to enjoy hearing from the lady I called “the deaf gobby one”. I first met Chris in 2004 when I was considering an invitation to the circuit that her Church was in. We hit it off immediately and whilst she called me “boss man” I always knew who was really in charge. Chris passed away this week and although I haven’t been her Minister for 10 years + we retained a friendship after I left. Chris was my ‘go to’ person for support, for advice and both were honestly (and often loudly) given.
Sometimes in life we just want folk to see things our way; to give us the answers that suit us but life doesn’t work out that way. I always knew where I stood with Chris because her views were always given but never with a desire to have her own way and certainly not with an intention to hurt. And that is friendship.
Some folk associate friendship with simple agreement and the moment a friend disagrees there is fallout. I believe that true friendship is where there can be disagreements but not a falling out; where there is an honest exchange of views but not hurtful; where opposing concepts, ideas, and visions can be developed between people. I had that with Chris, as I have had with others throughout my Ministry and sometimes that support and sharing can come from surprising sources. If I only sought out those who were ‘yes-people’ I would never grow, develop and journey in my faith for its when others have presented alternative ideas to me that I’ve been able to see things differently.
Whats your vision for your direction in life? Currently for me its exploring the notion of an arts based Church and already I have folk in my current circuit who are challenging my ideas with the detail I’m not good at and what have I found ? The idea has expanded to include the possibility of an online, streaming studio, a performance area, an exhibition gallery and so much more. At the heart of it will be a cafe Church to explore faith. The important thing is not to surround yourself not simply with people who are going to agree with you endlessly, but to have the quality of friends who will question, challenge and point out difficulties but who will remain with you should the vision now work out.
Who are you surrounding yourself with ? Is it people who care enough for you to stop you going down the wrong road, but who will still walk with you when you return with your tail between your legs ? Growth is alongside those who will encourage you to flourish not those who would put you down and discourage.
What are you doing for others ? In life there are those who simply take and seek to squeeze everything from you that benefits them, and there are those who seek the best for you and enhance your life. the famous book by Charles Kingsley “the water babies” has a character called Mrs-do-as-you-would-be done by and it challenges us into treating others as we would hope they would treat us. I believe that in order to reap the benefits of good friendships we need to be people who are good friends in the first place. People are attracted to others who not only speak of respect, tolerance, loyalty, patience, and who look for the best in others and in the world. In other words if we treat others in the way we hope they would treat us, then like-minded folk are attracted to us.
Chris was such a person; I will miss her but Im pretty sure that when I arrive at the pearly gates there’ll be a voice shouting loudly “Ey up Boss Man” and I’ll reply “how do, my deaf, gobby one, my friend“
Value your friends, choose them wisely and ensure that you treat them well
Mike`s Blog 